"A square ped in a round hole" were the exact words used. Said to me on a day where I truly believed it was all finally coming together. "Crushed" doesn't even come close to how that made me feel that day.
At this point in my career there was no real support and no direction; just a quiet understanding that I wasn’t going to make it.
And I did what most leaders do, carried on, hoped for a miracle and tried harder; guessing my way through conversations. The resut? Nothing changed, except my confident and resilience crashing a little bit more.
Then, the miracle arrived
In the form of a new manager. Our first conversation went along the lines of: "We're starting over."
We didn't start with targets or results, we started with how I was doing, what I was saying and what I was missing. She demonstrated a better way, gave me the chance to practice; correcting me where necessary. In essence, taking all my previous "learning" and replacing with information and tools that actually worked for the job I was doing.
Within 6 months, my team were performing. Within a year, I was coaching others.
Funnily, she never once told me I was doing well - she helped me see it for myself. There was no praise nor reassurance in any of our conversations. Praise had to come from my own self-assessment of my progress and results. I finally understood what to do and applied what I was taught in every conversation.
Most leaders aren’t failing, they’ve just never been shown how to lead conversations that change behaviour.
This the reason why I created Everyone Is Coachable. If you’re figuring leadership out on your own, I'd love for you to start learning by listening to my Unanswered Question series; a mini-training podcast series for leaders wanting to learn how to coach for performance.
I’ll be back every two weeks with more content on how you can help yourself.
Until next time,
Aileen
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